I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

So that 's one of the most overused sayings in the world but it fits me pretty well right now.

For no real reason I could explain to anyone but myself, I moved halfway across the US. And now I'm going to do it again.

Minnesota was never where I was intending to stay long, it was just a place I wanted to go, where I knew a lot of people. I was originally intending to go to CA (I still want to someday) but instead I'm ending up going to the complete opposite place, climate-wise... yes, I'm going to Alaska!

The plan is to stay in Valdez until next year (the snowiest place in the US, I think Wikipedia said... I really am insane, aren't I) and move to Fairbanks for college. I haven't decided on a degree (and haven't even taken my ACTs yet) but I'll probably start out by taking just a few classes in stuff I didn't complete or take enough years of in high school.

Imma get sidetracked by college for a sec... The only thing I really find interesting so far is psychology... the problem is, going into a career in psychology takes SO many years of studying... I don't think I could do that. But I'm not sure what else I'd be interested in.

K, back to talking about liiiiiiife. At first, I was planning on moving to AK in May of next year (which is when my lease here ends) but then I started looking into how to establish residency in AK and you have to do it before January 1st.

Aaand... please tell me you've heard of PFD? It stands for permanent fund division and it's basically free money. You have to be a resident of AK for a full calender year before you qualify for it. That did not influence my decision at all. ;)

The main reason I want to move as soon as I can, though, is to be with my girlfriend. Long distance relationships are great the first few months but after that, the distance just starts to suck and you want it to be over so you won't have to be waiting forever.

So right now, I'm looking for someone to take over my lease here in St Cloud (it's $250 a month if you're interested ;)) and I'm looking into apartments in Valdez... the problem is that I have to call them all cause they don't tell you what their rates are online... and I'm SO awkward on the phone when it comes to asking for information and stuff. xD I need to write up a list of questions so I won't forget everything!

So far, I've found some nicely situated ones (one was PERFECT) but I don't know how much they'll be and if I'll be able to afford them. I did find one that was subsidized rent, meaning it's based on your income, not a fixed rate per month. Meaning, cheaper than normal apartments would be, considering how low my income is. The problem is, it's just out of town... which according to Sam (my gf) would be a problem in winter, so I'd definitely need a car.

Sooo now I'm looking into cars too! Not that I even have money for one, but I'm gonna need one sooner or later.

I haven't been able to get a job since I moved to St Cloud. I had an interview with Macy's but it didn't end in a job, sad. I applied for a transfer at Gap though so maybe that will go through! I really need the extra cash. Really, really, really need. Living on my own is FUN, but supporting myself is kinda a different story. I wouldn't trade it for anything though. It's awesome.

I tell the truth

I've been beaten, I've been bruised...

But I have lived to tell

The more you kick me when I'm down

The more it truly helps.

I feel the madness creeping slowly

Loved by many, I'm still lonely

Paid the price for your mistakes

The music died the day I walked away.

Tragic Magic ~ Falling in Reverse

I made a decision, a life changing one.

I decided to be honest with myself and about myself because "the people who matter don't mind and the people who mind don't matter." Already I've lost friends, I've gotten the worst shit from various different people, and I've lost the good opinions of some people. Pretty much everything I was afraid of happened.

But something else happened.

I realized I really don't care anymore. To be honest, it's kind of a relief to be rid of those people, because my friendship with them was never a real friendship in the first place. Real friendships aren't lost that way. Real friends don't drop you the second they find out you don't agree with them in everything and always act according to their moral belief system. real friends accept the differences and care about you anyhow.

Fake people make me sick. I don't care if the people i'm talking about see this, I hope they do. They should know I'm glad they're gone.

I'm happy I'm rid of them. And happy I don't have to feel like I'm one of them anymore.

Various fragments of nothing

I wanna write a post but I'm not really sure what to write. Not for lack of things to write about, though. My life is crazy and the inside of my mind is even crazier. The problem is, reading (and writing) about the first would be kind of boring, and the second would just be disturbing.

I might have to end up writing poetry or something

Or I'll talk about Ronnie Radke.

Or how weird it is when you have your phone stuck down the front of your shirt and you have it on vibrate and you get a text. O.o (Oh come on, don't look like that... surely I'm not the only person in the world who sticks my phone there?)

You know, I'm seriously going to have to either write something which makes no sense, is boring, or makes no sense. Or is boring.

I write emo poetry on my phone late at night when I can't sleep. In text messages. And save them as drafts.

I bet you weren't expecting that, were you?

I'm going to copy some into this post now. (That sentence was synonymous with "you'd better stop reading now or you'll be scarred for life or laugh yourself sick or something else equally horrible.)

....I just read through them and on second thought, no way am I posting those. -_-

Your subconscious is thanking me right now.

Hello. I come in peace. Or so you think. >;)

It's been a while since I've had an actual blog I regularly post on... I have a journal thread on one forum and a blog within another forum that I post on often, but not a blog blog.

I'm not really sure if this is going to be a serious blog or what. My old blog wasn't. Maybe it'll be a mix of both.

Any opinions expressed in this blog (such as, I LOVE CHEESE! or I THINK KILLING PEOPLE IS FUN!) are my own and if you don't like them, that begs the question of why you were reading my blog in the first place. This applies to my sense of humor as well.

By reading this post, you are agreeing to the terms and conditions of sara's awesome blog. Your soul now belongs to me. That's what you get for not reading the fine print! >:D